TOTGA: The Finale

The tears in my eyes are falling profusely as I watch her walk down the aisle. She's wearing a stunning wedding dress with a radiant smile on her face. She's never been this happy before. Here I am, standing in the church, admiring her ethereal beauty and trying to control my emotions from exploding. The memories from two weeks ago play in my head vividly.

Flashback...

I regretted breaking up with her. I felt that immense sense of loss when she stopped contacting me. I wanted to talk to her and apologize but she blocked me in all her social media accounts. I asked our mutual friends about her whereabouts but she apparently cut ties with them too. Her family who also became my family didn't even want to see me. I didn't know how to reach her but I kept on searching for her to no avail. I spent all the lonely nights drunk and wasted, blaming myself for letting such a precious woman go. I hated myself for hurting her. She did nothing but love me and I cheated on her in return. I felt like the most awful human being. Waking up every single day without her by my side was pure torture. I tried to move on, I tried dating other women but I just ended up hurting them too. I couldn't admit it then but I knew that I was just looking for her in other women.

I wanted to meet her again and tell her that she was everything I ever needed. I would do everything just to get her back. I was aware that the realization hit me a little too late but I couldn't begin to imagine not having her for the rest of my life. That thought haunted me in my dreams and I would wake up sobbing.

My prayers were finally answered on that fateful day, two weeks ago. I went back to her favorite coffee shop for the nth time, hoping to see her there or even a clue that might lead me to her. It sounded crazy but I was holding on to that thread of hope. When I saw her familiar figure, my heart wanted to jump off my chest. I couldn't move my feet even when all I wanted was to run to her. When she turned to my direction, she had this surprise look on her face. I had always imagined how she would look at me in disgust but I wasn't prepared when she smiled at me. The smile that I terribly missed all those years that we were apart. The sparkle in her eyes gave me a flicker of hope and I tried to smile back although my lips went numb. She stood up, hugged me and even asked how I was doing. I had prepared myself for all the possible scenarios but I never expected this. I didn't even know how to handle the waves of emotions she was making me feel yet she was standing there, inches from me, looking relaxed and cheerful as if she wasn't messing up all the wires in my brain and my whole system.

With all the courage I could muster, I reached for her hand, hoping that she would come back to me and forgive me, I was ready to beg, I was ready to risk it all for her. I was ready to do whatever it takes when a small gem sparkled on her ring finger. My heart sank. I felt like my whole body was paralyzed while looking at that diamond ring. As if that wasn't heartbreaking enough, she then mumbled, "I'm getting married in two weeks". I was crushed. It was a mental breakdown.

So, here I am, hurting myself even more as I watch her marry another man.