Seasons of Love

The moment our eyes met, I felt something inside me flipped. I looked away and ignored you as I sat on the empty seat near the window. I watched as the snow carelessly fell, covering the ground. I tried to sleep as it would be a helluva long train ride but your annoying voice kept disturbing me. I looked around and found that there were many seats available but you chose to sit beside me. You started telling me stories but I refused to listen and played music on my earphones. You grabbed one earpiece and put it on you ear as you leaned your head on my shoulder. Then you smiled while pretending to sleep. I started pushing your head away but you didn't budge. I was too tired to argue and just let it go. You hadn't changed a bit, you were still a stubborn and confident jerk.

You kept on following me that I couldn't proceed with my plan. I was frustrated but your smiles strangely soothed my soul. You kept showing up wherever I was and started dragging me to the places I had never been. One winter night, you even came to my house to bring me coffee even when your whole body was trembling in cold. You surely were full of dumb ideas. Little did I know, your gestures were slowly melting the solid ice surrounding my heart.

Spring came and you were still there. We saw the beautiful flowers together and I smiled for the first time. I was in awe. I heard a sound of something clicked. You took a photograph of me. I didn't want to turn to you because I didn't want you to see my blushing face. You held my hand and slowly intertwined our fingers. Instead of pulling back, I turned to look at you...only to find you tearing up while smiling. You told me how happy you were just having me beside you and like the cherry blossoms, the hope in my heart started to bloom. We then walked hand in hand while you were telling me stories and I began to listen. I listened to the sound of your beating heart speaking to me in the language only we could understand.

You took me to the beach one summer day and planned everything out. You seemed so happy while you were playing with the waves. That sight warmed my heart. We got matching tattoos of the ocean on our wrists. It covered the scars I had in there. The pain I inflicted on myself when things became impossible to endure. You even asked me to dance one summer night on the shore, with the sound of the waves crashing as our tune. We swayed to the rhythm while laughing our hearts out. We must have looked ridiculous to the eyes of the curious passersby but we didn't care. You pulled me close and hugged me tightly as if you didn't want to let me go. I started to feel scared. I was completely falling for you. I thought of running away. However, before I could even try, you said that you wouldn't stop chasing me. You proved to me how I could never run away from you. You took care of me that my heart helplessly fell deeper in love with you.

Each passing day with you was nothing short of a blessing. You saved me from my fears and brought the smiles and giggles on my face. We were running with the leaves falling over our heads when you caught me. You cupped my face with both your hands as I struggled to catch my breath. You stared deeply into my eyes and I held your gaze. I saw a mixture of emotions in your eyes that I couldn't name. I slightly opened my mouth to say something but I couldn't get the words out. The feeling was too overwhelming that I couldn't take control of it. You suddenly pressed your lips against mine and it caught me off guard. After a few seconds, I closed my eyes as your lips told me everything without the use of words. I came to know that I was your first kiss. It made me feel extremely giddy. My dopamine level soared to the sky. I abruptly opened my eyes when I felt you left my lips and powerlessly fell to the ground.

I was sobbing and didn't know what to do while they were taking you into the ER. I kept on praying and wishing that you would be well. I spent days after days in the hospital, silently waiting. It broke my heart but I didn't give up. I knew you'd never fail me. I had so many things to say to you and many more memories to share with you so I waited and waited, tirelessly and desperately...

...but you never returned.

You left me a recording saying how much you loved me and cared for me. You thanked me for giving you the best year of your life. You apologized for leaving me too soon. These words felt like bullets to my heart. I regretted not being able to say those three magic words to you. I regretted not responding to the million times you said I love you's.

You left a void in my heart that only you could fill. I never got the chance to tell you how you saved me when you decided to sit beside me on that winter day.

I wanted to be mad at you for leaving me clueless and for being selfish but the wonderful memories with you make up for all those things.

I sighed as I sat on that empty seat near the window. I looked out. The first snow has fallen. Winter has come and it will always remind me of you. How you came to save me when I was about to end my dull life. What a timing. Once again, I am hopelessly waiting to meet you on this train ride.