Fangirl: Confessions of an A.R.M.Y

Recently, I've found myself staying up late at night watching video clips on Youtube. I've been watching BTS’ interviews, reality shows, fan made videos, music videos and all things related to them. I used to watch a lot of kdramas but I took a break from that when I learned about BTS. At first, I just liked one particular member. However, after watching countless videos showcasing how they rose to fame from being a bunch of nobody to legends, I began to realize each member's struggles and uniqueness. I love their individuality. They are all extremely talented and equally charismatic in their own ways. What amazes me more is how they can create exquisite and original songs that all generations can relate to and sing along with regardless of language barriers. Their music has become a source of healing and inspiration to people who are having problematic times. They send out a powerful message to the world.

As a fangirl, there’s no limit as to the things we can do for our idols, from concert tickets to merchandises to bringing them to the world stage.

As a fangirl, I was first drawn by their good looks but I soon realized that they are way beyond their perfect smiles and handsome faces. Honestly, there was a point when I became more interested about their personal lives than their music. I wanted to know their celebrity crushes, ideal girl, favorite things, habits and a lot of other mundane things. Then when I found out the stories behind the songs they have written, I started to see them in a different light. Their lyrics became more meaningful. I am so moved by how realistic and human they are. Just like us, they also experience pain, joy, heartbreak, emptiness, insecurities, happiness, depression and everything in between. The only difference is they are given the abilities to transform these emotions to create something poetic and beautiful. I sometimes find myself crying whenever I see videos of the hardships they had to go through to achieve what they have now. I cry with them, I laugh with them, I feel for them like I'm part of their journey. It's funny to think that they don’t even know that someone like me exists but they are able to influence my life and perspective completely. They make me want to support and protect them even from afar and without them knowing.

As a fangirl, I have stopped dreaming to be their future wife or a friend because I know how difficult it is to even have a close encounter with them. It makes me sad sometimes that all I can do is to watch them from afar but the image of them being happy while performing on stage comforts me. I guess that’s how sincere love works. It demands nothing in return.

I just want them to continue walking through the path of happiness. I hope that they can keep the relationships they have with each other and their fans even after the applause fades and the limelight dies. I want them to feel good about themselves just as much as how they make us feel good about ours. Their “Love Myself” campaign is one of the best movements which has helped millions of people deal with their anxieties and life issues. They have changed and saved lives. I wish that they can also draw strength and inspiration from their own songs during difficult times.

I often wonder how amazing it would be if we could all be young forever. Their songs have become the soundtrack of my life.

Finally, as a fangirl, I want to thank their wonderful mothers for giving birth to these extraordinary and fine men that we all love and admire.

Our dear BTS Boys, thank you for your existence. I can’t wait to tell my future children and grandchildren just how amazing you guys are.