Almost Thirty

You think you are still young until you hit the age of 29 and it all dawns on you at once; the social pressure, anxiety, expectations, signs of aging, and the sound of the clock ticking.

I wanted to get married before I turn thirty. I wanted to look young and beautiful in my wedding dress. However, I do not think that is still possible now. I am less than three months away from being the full-fledged unmarried, anxious and stressed thirty-year-old lady.

I have always imagined my wedding to be magical, with my mom teary-eyed and proud as I marry a good man. Well, it is not going to happen anymore. Do I regret not being married at this age? No. I would have regretted it if I had married the wrong guy considering that there is no divorce in the Philippines.

When I see happy families, it makes me dream of having my own but at the same time, it scares me. I do not know how to be a mother. Nobody will teach me how to become one.

Life has taught me to always be grateful. I am grateful to my family and friends who have consistently believed in me and supported me. I am grateful to all the men I dated and the moments we shared; they brought me joy even just for a while. I have read somewhere that, "We are a collection of all the people we have met and the experiences we have had," and I have always believed that we meet people for a reason. They are either meant to become a vital part of your life or teach you a lesson. I am grateful for everything that I have.

Although, sometimes, I feel like I am waiting for the train at the bus station. I feel lost. I feel like there is something missing but it is difficult to find when I cannot figure out what it is exactly.

I am turning thirty but I still have so many things I want to do and experience. I want to explore more places, get drunk in sensations and get lost in adventures.

As I turn Thirty, my ultimate goal is to be the happiest version of myself. ❤️