21 Days Without You

On the first few days after you left, I missed you terribly. I was crying while wondering if you ever missed me too. I craved your presence. I found myself reminiscing all our memories together. I was hurting. It almost felt like a break up but the fact is it wasn't. There was nothing to break in the first place. Surprisingly though, I was grateful about one thing. You've made me realize that I could still feel a range of emotions. I was worried that I already grew numb after all the emotional pain and suffering that I went through.

There were days when I missed you the most. You'd become a part of my daily routine that it was hard going through my day without you in it. Hearing your name and getting asked about you seem unavoidable. It just made me miss you more. I kept waiting for your messages but none came. Not even a birthday greeting on my birthday. It made me angry. So I decided to erase the last traces of you on my board. It made my mood better.

I felt sad whenever I saw that way uphill to your place because I remembered you. It had witnessed all the times we went up and down together holding hands or playing around; how you patiently waited with me for my ride home. The fact that you didn't make any attempts to contact me made me even sadder. I guess everything that you said about wanting to keep in touch with me was no longer true.

On the 29th of June, I received a notification. I knew it was you. It made me a bit excited but it didn't last long. I often wonder, when will you start missing me? When I don't like you anymore? Will you ever miss the moments we shared before? When will you realize that I'm a bit mad at you? For one thing you didn't do.

The days turned to weeks. I got tired of waiting. Your zero effort made me think that you didn't value US as much as I did so there was no point thinking about you. At first, I thought I lost you. You were so precious to me and I'm sure you felt it. The 21 days didn't make me forget about you but it made me realize a lot of things. I woke up from my delusions about you thinking of me and missing me. Your absence and the zero effort made me so sad. That sadness turned into anger and eventually became indifference. Now, I forbid myself to ever think about you again, and my lips to mention your name. This is how you lost me.