Don't be a Maybe

The first time I laid my eyes on you, I was in awe. You were one beautiful creature that I couldn’t help but enjoy looking at. Days passed by and I was contented with the attention you were giving me. I was happy when I made you laugh; I was always excited to share things with you. You were like my human diary. 

Weeks passed when you started looking at me differently. I saw it on your eyes and how your lips twitched when you were trying to hide that amused smile. It was so easy to read you. One look into your eyes and I knew what you were thinking without you having to verbalize it. You used to enjoy your solitude but somehow my company felt better. You told me so. 

You told me stories about your travel and that made me feel like I was there with you. You made me feel things that I didn’t want to entertain yet demanded my attention. You made me think of the million possibilities in my future with you in it. There was a time that the depth of my feelings scared me. I tried to fight it but the freaking caterpillars transformed into wild butterflies without me knowing. 

I enjoyed our rendezvous and all the memories we shared. You made me feel special. Your smile comforted me. Your words soothed me. Your stares pacified me. Your presence made me feel giddy. We sat in comfortable silence while looking at the stars shining for us that night. Being in your arms is heavenly, you made me feel like that was where I fit perfectly. 

I wanted to be selfish enough not to let you go, but I know that you deserve more. I couldn’t keep you when I know that you could do more, that you could be more. So, when you had to leave, I stopped myself from making any promises that would possibly hold you back. However, I failed to stop myself from getting a piece of you that I could keep forever. It was a split-second kiss but it felt like a lifetime. 

I knew it was the last goodbye we could tell each other. I accepted it and prepared for it a long time ago. You occasionally sent me messages to check on me. You were there to cheer me up when I had to stay awake all night dealing with exhaustion and anxiousness. That moment made a significant impact on my life. It solidified your name in my memory.

Even though we were back to being strangers with some memories, I never regretted meeting you. Moments with you would be something that I’d like to rewind if life came with a remote. 

Maybe I almost fell in love with you, or maybe I did. But I woke up.

You were a beautiful dream, you were both calm and exciting, safe and daring and overall tempting. You were my hot mess but I refused to be your maybe.

I don’t want a quick fix, I want something real, someone that stays.