Band-Aid for a Broken Heart

She is wearing a long, white princess-inspired wedding gown. It reveals her goddess-like physique. She smiles at her reflection in the mirror. She is a beautiful bride. This is her day. It is her dream wedding.

When she arrives in the church, everything is in place; every small detail is obviously planned carefully. Everyone looks at her with admiration in their eyes. They are all dressed like royalties. And there he goes, the moment she laid her eyes on him, her heart stops beating momentarily. He is a sight to behold. Her gorgeous groom is smiling at her as she walks down the aisle. “A few more steps and you’ll be forever mine from this day forward…” She can’t help but smile at her thoughts. Everything is perfect that it just can’t be real.

The alarm clock ticking ruined the moment. It woke her in deep slumber. Indeed, it wasn't real. It was just another dream. The clock said it was already 6:30 in the morning. So, she excitedly scanned her cell phone to check on her inbox. She was disappointed. She was expecting for his message as he used to text her every morning and it would usually start her day. But today, there was none. How pathetic. She then remembered and her heart ached.  He was gone. He died in a car accident one week before their wedding. She wanted to go back to sleep for a few more minutes. A few more minutes of escape from reality. Her phone rang, it is her friend Julia, reminding her that she needed to come to the office ASAP. So, she lazily walked to the bathroom, took a shower, got dressed, plastered a fake smile on her face and went to work.

In the office, she put on her earphones. When she heard their theme song playing, she fought back tears. She hurriedly went to the comfort room and silently cried. Every day was the same – waking up, eating, going to the office became a chore.  This morning, she woke up with that unbearable pain of the terrible hangover. Another day without him, she mused.

She was angry, at the world, at God for letting what happened to her happen, at him for having the guts to die, and at herself for not being able to stop him. She was desperate, trying to hold the world accountable for everything.

Just the other day while walking in the park, she saw a couple around her age. They were holding hands. They were talking about their new house, the furniture they needed to buy and the paint color they would use. They were a perfect picture of love. And she was thinking that they could lose each other tomorrow, that one of them would die and leave the other in misery. Then she realized that she’d said it out loud. The man stepped towards her. Just when she thought that he would yell at her, he reached into his pocket and handed her a handkerchief. That was when she realized that she was crying. She missed him terribly.

She spent most of her days crying over boxes of photos, killing time by staring into space and torturing herself with those what if and what could have been scenarios. She wanted to follow him as soon as possible but she just didn't know how. Suddenly, an uninvited thought crossed her mind. She could end her suffering. But HOW?

A. Jump off from a tall building.

B. Swallow plenty of sleeping pills.

C. Cut her wrist with a blade.

Her mind was occupied by so many thoughts that she couldn't think of letter D anymore.  So, she chose letter C. The easiest and dramatic-in-a-way among the three choices. And she did it. The last thing she remembered was darkness enveloped her.

Her office mate found her lying unconsciously in the bathroom with a fresh blood flowing freely from her left wrist. She immediately took her to the nearest hospital. When she was unconscious and wasn’t aware of the pool of nurses and doctors crowding her, checking on her vital signs, and her friend crying while walking back and forth in the hallway; uttering a silent prayer for her, she saw him. She smiled for she knew that they would be together again. She tried to touch him, but he seemed so far away, and his face remained solemn. He broke the silence.

          “love, what did you do to yourself?” he asked in agonized face.

          “love...I wanted to be with you.” She answered with so much longing that a tear fell on her right cheek.

He sighed. “We will be together soon. But not like this. Your time isn’t over yet. Live your life without me. I love you. I can’t bear the thought that you’re ruining your life because of me. I want you to move on. I want you to be happy. And if you can’t do that for yourself, do that for me.”

She wanted to tell him how much she loves him and she can’t live her life alone. But before she could do that, he slowly faded like a smoke in thin air.

When she opened her eyes, she found herself lying on the hospital bed, dextrose on her wrist. She noticed those reddish-brown lines on her left wrist where she almost ended her life. A searing pain from it made her wince. She felt like she had at least five stitches.  And she felt that her right cheek was a bit damp. It wasn’t a dream after all. It was already 3 in the morning and she decided to walk out of her room. On the hallway, she saw a little boy sitting on a chair. He looked pale, his eyes looked really tired, and his hands were trembling a bit. She seated next to him, trying to make a little conversation with this cute young lad. She found out that he had cancer and had only 6 months to live. She admired the young boy’s bravery for he was a picture of hope, and his mind spoke of intelligence. At that exact moment, she felt sorry for him for he would miss the adventures of life and everything it has to offer at a very young age. The boy asked her a question while looking at her left hand.

          “What is that on your left wrist?” he asked,

          “I accidentally slashed my wrist with a knife while chopping,” she lied.

And as if he could see right through her, he slipped his hand into his pocket and handed her a Band-Aid. “Try to be extra careful next time. I don’t want you to get hurt.” he said as he looked at her. 

It was heartwarming to feel the young boy’s concern though he was a stranger for her. It felt like it was her boyfriend talking to her. She slowly pulled him for an embrace and gently kissed the top of his head and said thank you. Before she went out of the hospital, she promised the boy that she would visit him again.

Today, she laughs whenever she remembers her naive suicide attempt. That was the most stupid thing she ever did. When she went back to the hospital to visit the young boy who made her realize how important life is, she met his mother. The woman told her that the boy was already in heaven. And she was not aware that there was still a part of her heart that could be broken by the departure of the boy who made an impact in her life. Surprisingly, the boy left something for her. It was another Band-Aid. The Band-Aid reminds her to continue living her purpose, to go on and do something worthwhile just like what her late fiancée wanted her to do.

Maybe someday, she will fall in love with someone else, and she will tell her children that she fell in love once before she met their father. She knows that there will come a time that the pain will go away, that this Band-Aid will work its wonders in her heart. She knows that she is willing to wait no matter how long it takes before she feels whole again.

AUTHOR’S NOTE:

Many of us are going through a lot of pain. Maybe it is physical, emotional, psychological, etc. A rape victim who found out that she is pregnant, a soon-to-be-mother who experienced a miscarriage, a blind man who still hopes to see the beauty of the world, a cancer-patient struggling for life, kids begging for a leftover to feed them for the day, a man who lost his both parents when he was still a baby, a hardworking employee who never gets promoted, an insecure-fat girl who thinks that no boy will fall for her, or a woman who lost her boyfriend because of her best friend.

We have our own different problems, and honestly, SUICIDE is not the answer to those problems. It will only make things worse. It is human nature to cope, cry a little, scream out loud, or hit the wall if you think that it could help you relax and take a grip of your sanity. Life is full of uncertainties, of pressures, failures, and most of all, it is famous for its twists and turns. That’s how complex life is. But don’t lose hope. Never give up. Life goes on.

“People become possessive of their grief, almost proud of it. They want to believe it’s like no one else’s. But it is. It’s exactly like everybody else’s. Grief is like a shark. It torments and attacks you anytime it pleases.” From the book: How to talk to a Widower

Don't ever give up. Be like the sun. At the end of the day, it goes down and disappear but in the morning, we all know that it will rise again.

(Photo grabbed from Google)